It has been little more than a month since my last post. To be honest, I haven’t felt as though I had anything to share other than work is super busy (which is a given), Colin is being a boy (trouble but still a good kid) and things like that. Nothing really new. Not even a single new word written for any story.
What is sad is I have gone through several of my stories in my head, thinking of new twists and arcs then when I sit at my computer… nothing. All those ideas run and hide behind the neurons and other distractions until time for bed when they return to cavort through my mind again until I fall asleep. So far, I have found an actual end to Leofa’s background story and one of my erotic stories is in progress. Neither has seen any work at all to get onto the screen or paper.
I’m sure there is something not right in my head. Until I can get to the doctor, nothing much beyond suspicions can be said. Other than these artistic pursuits gone dormant, I feel a growing disconnect with people around me. Well, people outside my family. I adore most of my co-workers. These are wonderful men and women who are just as nuts as I am, but anything beyond the casual now and I want to back away.
Work has become a mental game of ‘Can I get to the next break’ until time to go home. This is an exhausting game some days and very tiring the rest. I want to go out, but getting among people is, to be honest, scary.
Letting people see my thoughts is becoming more and more difficult to do. I don’t want to become a shut-in, but I feel myself slowly edging in that direction.
On a brighter note, however, I am finally starting an exercise routine. Crazy work schedule won’t allow it to be too stable, but I’ll work with what I got. Yesterday was my first work out and Colin came along. We were only able to get in 20 minutes before the gym closed, but that was a good power walk for me and a lot of running and walking for him. Today we had about 45 minutes or so where he learned to use the free weights, worked on the stepper and did some running on the treadmill.
As for me, I did a few free weights showed Colin how to use the rower and stepper then did a decent run on the stationary bike. As sore as various muscles are, I feel good for it after a long day of standing on my feet at a register.
So, beginning weight for my workout is 302.5 lbs. I’m already half way to my first weight goal of losing 25 lbs. At 285 or better, I will buy myself a ring I’ve been wanting for a while as the reward. The next weight goal will be going to Andulini’s for their all you can eat pizza. It’ll be well worth it. My aim is to get down to 180 lbs which is the upper end for my height and build. I may never be a size size, but I’ll be happy in a 12 or 16.
With all of this, I am, sadly, skipping NaNoWriMo this year to focus on mental and physical health. The ideas are there, but I just don’t have the mental energy to do it. I may write some, we’ll see, but I doubt it.
Candace Gauger 